A Letter to the Man I Killed... By a Cop

Sent to Safe Call Now by... Anonymous

Some people know this about me; others do not.  I have killed a man.  This is not a confession; it is just fact.  I have nothing to hide about it.  I am not ashamed of the fact.  I have no regrets about doing it.  I was doing my job.  At the time of your death, I was a police officer.  And, you tried your best to kill me.  I am the police officer that killed you.

                I hope you were not long in your suffering, but as I am aware, during the short time I spent with you, listening to your cries of agony and for mercy, the curses you spat at me, I endured, as you bled to death.  I endured.

                I hope you had a chance to reconcile with our creator before you went, and that angels bore you away to a better place.  I would have prayed with you had there been time, but there was not, so I could only pray for you.  And, occasionally I still do.

                People who choose a path like the one you chose, probably don’t weigh into the equation, the most dreadful consequences of their actions.  I weighed it into my own equation every day as a police officer.

                I have experience with death. In fact, death and I are quite intimate with each other.  You have your death.  I died a physical death once, albeit briefly, but I was brought back.  I wondered for what, a specific event?  Your death? 

Cops... Living on the Fringes

By Chief Scott Silverii (retired)

I was recently asked to speak at a book reading for the local library to discuss my latest work on cop culture, “A Darker Shade of Blue; From Public Servant to Professional Deviant.”

Unsure of what was expected, I looked for key sections or excerpts that might appeal to the civilian public. One of the selections discussed why cops fail to fit-in with the general civilian population.

I described the enticement of a fringe lifestyle, and the intoxicating draw of society’s margins. Their blank stares quickened my heartbeat and signaled that this first attempt by our community library to feature local authors was going south quickly.

Retooling the chronology of the presentation, I did as any experienced public speaker and supervisor of public servants would do. I lifted the microphone just under my mouth, lowered my voice and howled, “I’m a Sheepdog!”

Since that too did not go well, I launched into an explanation of the significance for a common cop term, “Don’t be sheep.” I’d like to share the same with you, sans the howling.

The police tradition is steeped in symbolism and imagery helping solidify officer ideology and public comprehension. Cops use the term “Sheepdog” to describe their position and role in society. It goes something like this;

Sheep

The majority of our population is good, honest people who would never intentionally harm another without provocation. They usually flock together and travel in groups to create unique cliques, cultures and societies. Sheep are not genetically predisposed for violence, but inherently desire social clustering.

Living with PTSD...

By Safe Call Now Vice President - Ron Jones

Albert Einstein stated, “Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters.” Sounds very similar to a principle Jesus Christ taught, “If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones. But if you are dishonest in little things, you won’t be honest with greater responsibilities” (Luke 16:10). I would encourage the reading of this chapter in its entirety as it holds as much relevance today as when first spoke by Christ.   

Look at what is stated or implied: faithful, honesty, responsibilities, trustworthiness, character, fidelity, management, conscience, habit, honor, opportunity, diligence, foresight, duty, and integrity; just to name a few descriptors. As first responders we have all heard and spoke these words in our oath, pledge, vow, affirmation, promise, or testimony. 

We live by creeds and ethos; no one left behind, we all go home, watch your six, I’ve got your back…   

I confess I often struggle with the little things and feel overwhelmed with the large ones. The old cliché, which has been adapted from scripture, “Confession is good for the soul” rings true. Augustine noted that "the confession of evil works is the first beginning of good works."