By Safe Call Now®'s Dr. Laura Brodie |
As I work in
treatment with individuals who have a reaction to trauma that is debilitating,
I have found that there is a core issue that appears to be evident in many of
these individuals. That is the issue of
a poor or absent support system prior to the trauma. Many who I see afflicted with trauma worked
as the strong support system for others prior to their emotional damage. They report
to me that they received little comfort from leaning on others for support. They
were seen as strong and capable so others assumed they could handle anything. Giving
guidance, support and help to others comes so naturally to these people, but
being the person in need is many times the greatest fear. Why?
People who are caretakers in the
world do not take kindly to being taken care of. This comes from a sense of
identity that formed quite early in life where giving was much more comfortable
than receiving. Being the low maintenance child was the role in the family and
wanting to make parents proud, because little problems and keeping anxieties
secret were the M.O.
Many times
these people are high achievers who are the ones others turn to for support.
What is not realized is caretaking becomes a great skill for caring for the
other, but caretaking of the self is a very foreign concept. Not wanting to be
an emotional burden is a feeling that developed early in life and as an adult
it becomes the attitude of “I’m fine” even when he or she knows things are not
fine at all.
Handling
trauma when you have previously been used to a life of self-sufficiency is like
asking to be the patient when you have always been the therapist. It does not
work well. The isolation of being “fine” at all times does not work as memories
and thoughts attack. Now trapped in his or her own mind, all the advice and
counseling given to others is forgotten and the person is left vulnerable.
Again I ask why?
Giving is
easier than receiving for many and if this is your issue, you are vulnerable to
trauma. Learning to be interdependent allows a natural inoculation to suffering
alone. As a caretaker you realized
others needed support and help in whatever area was needed. So the denial you
allow in your own real need is only deprivation of health and allowing yourself
a suffering you would never allow a loved one. You discount the counsel you
give others such as talk about it, stop being so hard on yourself and I for one
am glad you survived.
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