By Janelle Cronk - Acadia Healthcare |
When I was 9
-- I was a tomboy with a golden retriever.
Not a care in the world but the thrill of an adventure. I loved
baseball, swimming and getting lost with my dog in the woods.
My father
took care of me mostly. He was, in my
eyes, the greatest man in the universe.
Funny, charismatic, magnetic, handsome and lit up every room he walked
in. He loved being a dad. And I loved
him more than anything on earth. …. (Except for Jesse my dog).
When I was
9-- I woke to a horrible sound. It was my father screaming in a cold sweat, crying
and unable to stop shaking. He would
call them “night terrors”. He would get real down and closed off for
days after one of these episodes.
When I was 9
--My dad was always the athlete. He was
the best tennis player, golfer and Skier.
He owned a great restaurant and was the best cook in the world. Anything
he put his heart into would shine.
When I was 9
-- I could hear the screaming. Calling
her horrible names. I had a friend sleepover when he and my stepmom were in a
terrible fight. Amy and I could hear
them running around the house and hitting each other. I was so sick that my friend had to see this
part of my life. I called the police on him that night…He was choking her and
it needed to stop. I will never forget
how my stomach ached with shame.
When I was 9
-- He’d take me to ball games so I could watch the Oakland A’s and the Bash
Brothers. We’d have stupid movie night
every week and watch movies like Toxic Avenger. He would also play me the greatest songs
I ever heard. I called him “The
Duke”. He literally was the duke of
music to me.
When I was 9
-- He came into my room one afternoon and stared at me with tears in his
eyes. He told me he was going to leave
this earth and he loved me and hugged me goodbye. I sat in pure fear for over
24 hours and wondered what I should do.
”If I call
and he’s OK… he will be so mad at me.” I thought. “If I don’t call someone then I could have
saved him!”
…I
eventually called my mom and he came home.
When I was 9
-- My dad loved to be a father. He would
draw on my brown lunch sacks a cartoon character they would have little sayings
like,” Eat your lunch or else!” He would
dress up for Halloween and surprise me during recess at school. He was
literally THE COOLEST DAD EVER.
When I was 9
-- My father explained that he had Manic Depression and PTSD from the Vietnam
War. I didn’t understand what those
terms really meant but I knew it was the reason why my dad had such a dark side
to him. I never thought this behavior
was unforgivable. I mean he was my dad
and loved me more than anything….
He just
couldn’t get the courage back then to ask for help…
Although my
dad made several attempts to get sober and take care of himself, he was
incapable of doing it alone. My dad
ended up passing away from a relapse on November 13th 2014.
I believe
that my dad’s message for me is to help support patients that are struggling
with trauma and addictions.
Please: For
the sake of your children who adore you more than you can possibly know. For the 9 year olds that just don’t
understand why. If you are reading this
and you know that its time to change, do it.
“The most
courageous act a leader can do is ask for help”- Steve Gutzler
Janelle Cronk
(415) 572-9933
Janelle.cronk@gmail.com
First Responders,
Professional Athletes and Fortune 500 clients
Behavioral Health Solutions, Sales Training, Strategy
& Executive Health and Wellness
Janelle Cronk specializes in strategic accounts and
partnerships for Acadia Healthcare. She is a strategic performance coach and
has a unique ability of creating fast and critical solutions. Janelle has
earned a certificate of honor from the US Capitol in saving many lives within
the first responder population. Janelle partners with fortune 500 companies to
help them review performance and sustainability with their employees in a new
perspective.
Janelle’s personal motivation is to help collaborate and
connect those who are providing superior care for those who have substance and
mental health complexities to the right resources.
Clients Include: Boeing, Acadia Healthcare, Stanford, Xerox,
Google, Apple, MyLife Recovery Centers, Safe Call Now, FBINAA, My Brain
Solutions and Microsoft.
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