A Cop, PTSD, Suicide & Treatment...

By Kevin Hagen

You could say my story with my mental illness began several years ago (maybe 15?), but I chose to ignore the signs and figured it was just me. I was bullied in high school and that had an impact on my self-esteem as I was growing up and even in my adult years. I was married for 20 years and for most of those years I was told what a bad person I was and that I was not a very good man. After hearing such things for that long, I started to believe them! I have had tragedies in my life like most people, and some that affected me for many years, like the death of my mother. I believed that I was not worthy of being happy and that I was meant to just be that way so I should live with it. I managed to struggle through life like that for most of my adult life.

My job as a police officer added to the issues I already had. I have seen some very terrible things in my career, and some of them stick with me no matter how hard I tried to forget them. Because I chose to ignore my problems, they just got bigger and bigger: the 800 pound gorilla in the room, if you will. I managed to stuff my feelings and tell myself, “Hey, this is what I deserve, so I just gotta suck it up.” I ended up getting divorced, and I figured that was the answer to all of my problems. Obviously it was not. I went from bad relationship to bad relationship, always finding women that needed help; that way I could be the hero and fix things for them. It never worked that way. I just ended up taking on more and more problems, more and more debt, and finally I could not find happiness in anything, but I figured that is what I deserved.

I felt I had successfully stuffed my problems, but then all of the sudden, I was not ever happy. I lost interest in most things I enjoy; I ignored my children who I only see every other weekend; I pushed my friends away and just isolated myself in my home. 
One night everything came to a head. The hopelessness overwhelmed me. The nightmares came every night, so I was scared to go to sleep some nights. All I could see in front of me was a black wall, and in my mind it was all hopeless and I was lost.

The Dark Days of Law Enforcement...

By Dave Smith for Police Magazine

I hear you all complaining about this and that today. The public, the media, the courts, the bad guys...and the litany of tough times goes on and on. But when I was a young patrol officer things were really bad. The anarchists were planning a revolution on July 4th, 1976, and all we had were little old .38s with six in the cylinder and 12 in our "dump pouches," no .40s with 16 in the mag and one in the chamber.

Man, things were hard. We didn't have people offering psychological support to whine to, and when we got divorced we just sucked it up. No PTSD counseling or peer support or anyone who understood. Nope, I was just sitting there alone during my divorce; my kids were gone, I had no real hope for the future, and I woke up at midnight and lay in bed listening to my heart pound, wondering if I would just die. But what do you know? You've never suffered like me. You don't know what I do about…

But wait…you say you do understand? Maybe if I'd had someone to talk to like you I wouldn't have been so alone in those dark days.

Unfortunately, one of the brain's nasty little tricks is making us focus on ourselves when we are sad or depressed; we feel we are alone, isolated, experiencing things no one else could feel or understand. But this is just a false perception. I am not saying you weren't sad or depressed; we all feel that way sometimes, and I am compelled to confess what I have felt and how I have learned the hard way that shutting down and finding yourself on an emotional island is NOT the way to cope. I learned that from Dr. Kevin Gilmartin. He isn't my friend because he wrote the book "Emotional Survival," or was a deputy, but because he was my salvation.

Click here to read full article

Recognizing the Signs of PTSD

If you need help or just need to talk... Reach out to Safe Call Now®

By The Canyon

When tough situations arise, it’s not uncommon to feel stress, anxiety or depression. Likewise, it’s common to feel disrupted in your ability to cope with the feelings triggered by the event or in your ability to continue functioning normally in everyday life. However, when a traumatic event causes intrusive symptoms that last for more than three months and impact your ability to maintain functional relationships at home and work, then you may be living with the effects of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and treatment may be able to help you get your life back on track.

According to the US Department of Veteran Affairs, there are four different types of PTSD symptoms:

• Reliving the trauma
• Avoidance of anything reminiscent of the traumatic event
• Negative changes in perspective
• Heightened levels of awareness

Any of these conditions can benefit from comprehensive treatment and psychotherapeutic care. Contact us today at The Canyon for more information about how we can help.

Reliving the Trauma

This type of PTSD is defined by vivid memories of the traumatic experience that come unbidden, evoking the same gripping, often terrifying, emotions as the original event. For many, these memories are so real that it is like they are reliving the trauma every time they occur. Symptoms include:

• Intense nightmares
• Flashbacks
• Experiencing triggers (e.g., sights, sounds or smells that cause the memories to occur)